The Other Side of the Postcard.

Note to Reader: A majority of these posts are in relation to our life in Zanzibar, only, these negative views do NOT apply to mainland Tanzania, in any way. Although Zanzibar is a part of Tanzania, it operates separately & could not be more different.

Through all of these blog posts, please remember, the good always outweighed the bad. Taking huge risks in life, often leads to incredible opportunities that never would’ve have come our way if we hadn't taken this risk. Yes, some of these posts it'll seem like we went thru hell, but it all paid off in the end. And thru all of it, never the chaos cripple us; we continued to live our lives and reap the incredible benefits of living in Africa.

I have always planned to write about our time living in Africa, but I didn’t really know where to begin or what people would want to even learn/hear about. I was going to wait til we returned to the states to write, but Ryan has encouraged me to write now, when everything is still so fresh.

"The other side of the Postcard" seemed like a fitting name... For 2 years, we have shared photos of those 'postcard moments', but now it's time to share some of the unfiltered, sometimes brutal moments behind the scenes, for those who are interested. Ryan was really good about keeping a daily log of things that happened, but I fell behind on this & decided a blog will be the easiest. I plan to write by topic, so people can pick and choose what they want to learn/read about. Some of it will be harsh, some will be emotional/amazing, some will just be perspective / informative.

All will be very brutally honest. Things that we have decided to keep to ourselves for the last 2 years. Why didn't we broadcast it or share with closest friends and family? Well. many reasons:

• First, the most simple reason: I didn’t want us to appear like the epitome of a privileged white couple complaining about a GORGEOUS tropical island that we CHOSE to move to. Meanwhile, there are millions of people on earth who do not have this opportunity and are surviving with MUCH less.

  
  

• At times I was an emotional wreck, so selfishly, I couldn’t fathom hemorrhaging my crisis at the time on the phone to someone who was on the other side of the world; The thought of it made me feel so far, so isolated. Helpless.

• T I A "This is Africa". NOT say that this very common saying gives a hall pass to just endure the torture at times, but we knew if we broadcasted the issues we were facing, that the only reply we would receive would be "well, what did you expect? it IS Africa." So instead, we just learned to just play the game here and figured it out on our own.

  
  

• A BIG one for me: Although we experienced some of life's big challenges, we have also reaped the rewards of living here. We didn't want the bad to overshadow the incredible moments... I mean how many people can say they hung off the side of one of the worlds largest waterfalls? Or played with lions and cheetahs? Or hung out with African tribes deep in the bush of Ethiopia? Or did safari on foot to see lions & wild dogs? .....You get the point.

  
  

  • Africa can bring out the best in you, and Africa can bring out the absolute worst in you. Somedays, I felt a level of anger I didn’t even know I had in me. But, Africa has also given me some of the most incredible, most unforgettable days that I am sure will not ever be topped.

    
    

• and.... lastly, the haters. Let's be honest, a lot of people, <jealous people>, are secretly wishing,  sadly, hoping for you to fail.  Now I do not believe this comes from as a malicious act, but out of their own insecurities. What I mean by this is: When people do not have the guts to truly go for their own goals/dreams in life; it somehow makes them secretly wish for those who ARE truly going for it; to fail.... That way, if that particular person fails while going for their own dreams,  they can personally feel justified about why they haven’t mustered up the courage to truly go for their own dreams.

  
  

  Personally, I think it shows more character when someone is cheering you on when you are crushing it in life, rather than cheering you on when you are clearly at your bottom. Sadly, we have become a society where it is much easier to criticize than to pay a compliment. This has somehow become the new normal.

  
  

  SOCIAL MEDIA: It used to hurt when the only connection to back home was thru text or social media, and some of our closest friends & family wouldn't / couldn’t just simply "like" a photo we shared. We're on the other side of the world, with limited forms of communication.. So ya, we definitely noticed those who didn't like our posts, but didn't miss a story. ever.. I have come to realize that most people are not against you, they're just too insecure to root for you.

  
  

  ..........But somewhere along this insane timeline, it didn't matter to me anymore. I don't post as much on social media & lost complete interest in who was watching our stories or showing support on social media. I'm not living this life to impress other people... So, somewhere along the way, I lost  complete interest. And when I realized this, I realized how confident I am in myself, my marriage, and our unconventional lives.

  "What other people think of you, has NOTHING to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with them."

  
  

One thing is for sure; After our time here in Africa, I know we can conquer anything life throws at us. We are definitely not the same people we were before we began this journey. Africa made us face our own personal weaknesses over and over, until we learned our lessons. For me: patience & letting go of things I cannot change. For Ryan: Becoming extremely assertive. Not letting people mistake his kindness for weakness.

I believe western culture tries to teach society at a young age that 'confidence' comes from "looks" and "material" items. This, is so far from where confidence comes from. In fact, most people who concentrate on their looks to bring them confidence tend to be some of the most insecure people I know. Confidence comes from personal achievements. This doesn't have to be HUGE achievements... Make a bucket list from small to big goals you want to achieve in life and I can assure you that your confidence will grow with each check off that list.

Some of the worst advise I have ever been given was from my gym owner (in recent years) telling me to throw out my bucket list. First of all, I wrote it when I was about 18. Second of all, it's about 98% complete and I have all the more unshakeable confidence from these achievements. All I know is when I’m at the end of my life; I’ll be proud of never giving up on that damn bucket list I made at 18 years old.

"Living abroad" was an item on that list, that I was actually willing to skip.. because I was pretty damn happy with my life in the states.. At least I thought I was. Africa has made me realize i was missing things in my life I didn't even know I was needing.. Maybe distractions in western culture kept me from realizing I was missing anything at all. Living abroad and this entire journey here was Ryan's dream. I was just down for the adventure and wanted to see him live out this adventure.

Although a lot of these blogs will be harsh, you have to remember that the good has outweighed the bad. Africa is most definitely bipolar in nature. You can have the worst day of your life and the best day of your life, sometimes these 2 extremes can happen in the same day. This first post is to reveal some of the unfiltered harsh moments & things we have experienced. The raw, harsh cost to experience those 'POSTCARD moments.'

We showed up to this island, bright eye and bushy tailed, full of excitement and essentially got bitch-slapped from DAY 1 and have been through numerous life changing situations all within a very short, window frame that have pushed us to limits we didn’t even know we possessed as individuals; Which has only made us closer as a couple.

Here are some of the darker, heavier things that have happened:

DAY 1: our dog Beetlejuice (and myself) brutally attacked on the very first morning. had him stitched up on the side of a dusty road, in a room/closet that could have easily been mistaken as the set  from the movie "Saw".. Desperation outweighed the question of sanitation.

Beetlejuice attacked/infections. 2 weeks post attack.

• Beetlejuice develops an infection from attack, sick for 1+ month. One puncture from the bites, ruptured (disgusting). = 1.5 months of 6 vet visits. Terrified he was not going to make it a few times from the infection.

• 6++ months of working with him to not absolutely lose his mind any time he saw another dog. (he is 100% amazing now. Just took consistency & hard work. EVERY SINGLE DAY. We even hired the only dog trainer on the island to help us..... and She was 13 yr old german girl. 🫠

  
  

• Realized quickly that although we had a signed contract with our builder, that contract was just smoke & mirrors. The fears of being scammed started early. (month 3)

  
  

• Caught some Russian scumbbag who came to our villa, pretended to be a Russian relator and brought a "potential" buyer with him, took photos and videos of the place. Then later friends found photos of our villa online, where this prick was trying to claim it was the inside of his villas he was building down south. You cannot make this shit up. I swear, this island is a sunny place for shady people.

  
  

• Nearly being deported due to our trusted lawyer embezzling 10k from us for our residency. (Every country has immigration laws in place. Including America. It is NOT fair for those who abide by the law for those who do not, to reap the same benefits. From nearly being deported, we have strong beliefs on immigration.)

  
  

• Meeting a young kid that was referred to us to help us with our residency permits, in the middle of a mall, at a candy kiosk. The same place I buy gummy bears from; We handed him $300 USD cash and our passports. Writing this, I know how insane it sounds. Probably sounds insanely irresponsible… But, this is how you play the game here. Deparate times, deparate measures.

  
  

• adjusting to a muslim community; where they hate dogs and women do not have equal rights.

  
  

• Not recieving the title to our villa until 1++ year after moving here, we could not legally sell it until we had the title. So basically, we lived in it when it was not "technically" ours. All this time, in fear the developer was ripping us off. Instead of finishing our villa, he would just continue to ask us for more money.

  
  

• Having to take over the villa, and FIX & finish all of the work the developer promised to do. that we had a legal binding contract for. Yes, we could've tried to have fight with the developer - But that was pointless. Nothing would’ve come from it, he literally couldn't even afford a tube of caulking at the end and was black listed for a majortiy of the stores here. We were tired, worn out, We just wanted it finished.

  
  

• Threatening immigration officers (in person, in a packed government official building) who are being paid by OUR lawyer to hold up processing paperwork, to try to milk us for more money.. This is African corruption, it is everywhere. After threatening them, we sat outside of their office door and refused to leave until paperwork was completed. Threatened to go to the media multiple times, loudly.

  
  

• Developer was not paying the workers, so we decided to pay the workers who worked on our villa. We thought we were doing the right thing. Then before you knew it, we had a parade of people (who weren’t even employed by the developer) coming into our private yard and asking for money. every. single. day.

  
  

• Strike of workers continues. Although our villa was “livable”,  it looked like it was sitting in the middle of the Gaza Strip.

  
  

• Accident: boda (motorcycle) rear ends us. it was an illegal bike.  When accidents happen here; it is a scary thing. They do not want cops involved, but all locals (who literally have nothing better to do) come out and circle the scene. Nothing like seeing your husband surrounded by 35+ men who are all shouting in Swahili. We knew a few of the locals at the scene & from the Swahili I could understand, the ones we knew, were explaining we are good people & this was not our fault. It seemed to get more heated and at one point, our friend Issa told us to "just go", which was terrifying to hear.  Our local friend John stepped in just at the right time, calmed the crowd down, and the crowd then seemed to have understanding the cause of the crash was not our fault. John asked us if we could pay the kids hospital bills, which we agreed to in good faith. (About $23).

  
  

• Being sick in a rental apartment. 103+ temp. No power for 9+ hours, which means no running water. About 104 degrees inside the apartment. Can't open windows or doors due to mosquitoes/malaria. slept on the tile floor with packets of frozen blueberries on me to try to keep cool. I truly felt like I was hallucinating at moments.

  
  

• Kids try to steal my purse right off my shoulder, when I scold them they started hitting me. I had no problem grabbing their wrists and scolding them. I also reported them to the police. The children in African villages are insanely precious, however I find the children in Zanzibar to be extremely fresh.

  
  

• Battery stolen out of our car at the rental before we moved into villa.

  
  

• Seeing dead bodies  all over the road from an accident, bodies just being picked up and thrown into the back of a pickup truck like rag dolls by locals. Not in Kansas anymore.

  
  

• Handing passports over multiple times to people we had never met, in hopes to resolve the residency issue. 3 different people in total, we handed our passports over to, to try to help with the residency issue.

  
  

• Picking up yellow fever vaccine cards (although we never got the vaccine) from the local “doctor” here in a bar. Gov't officials will do anything if the price is right. This was actually great, but as i retell the story, it sounds so suspect.

  
  

  

  broken foot.

• breaking my foot chasing after my dog who was chasing after a stray cat.

  
  

  

  defeated. broken foot + food poisoning. IV bag hanging in my closet.

• given crutches made out of sticks and coconut shell pieces.

  
  

• Food poisoning the day after breaking my foot.

  
  

• met people who we thought were good honest people, but their true colors came out and just ended up dangerous suspects wanted in Wales and connected with Arson here on the island. They sold us on this chairty work they were doing in other countries, turned out all of it was a complete lie. Absolutely mindblowing.

  
  

• rain season = flooding INSIDE our villa. having to redo the roof.

  
  

• leaks in the floor in the bathroom: Builder told us he would put more tile on top of the leak...

  
  

  

  one of the many nightmares.

• Workers showing up to our house barefoot. no tools. They snap the vanity in half and try not to tell us. We had to fight with the developer to get us a new one..... Then they broke that one in half too.

  
  

• Workers go to remove our cracked tub, drag it across the tile floor. breaking all the tiles. Then look at us like they didn't understand what the problem was. Builder ran out of tiles.

  
  

• Coming home to workers sleeping on our sofas. Then acting like we were the crazy ones for being upset with them for not doing the work we hired them for.

  
  

• Experienced anxiety for the first time in my life. Felt a pain in my chest and asked, “what the hell is that??” And Ryan explained, what anxiety feels like.

  
  

• Developer had us make a “snag list” of all the items we needed fixed. He promised all would be fixed. I kept reminding Ryan, “This is a waist of time. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. He will not fix any of this.” We continued to fix the issues on our own. The developer never fixed one item on the “snag list”.

  
  

• Developer and the sales rep went to war. and Brought all of us buyers into their mess. all villa owners began to bicker and argue against one another. No one in agreement on anything, constantly pointing fingers at one another.

  
  

• Robber breaks into my hotel room, steals my purse. During IVF stims. I was alone. IVf fails.

  
  

• Luggage lost after a majority of our trips. It became more expected for our luggage to not show up rather than to expect it to be there.

  
  

• Failed IVF attempts. Just when we didn't have enough on our plates, we decided to throw in IVF. IVF doctor is Turkish. I learned Swahili to live here. He does not speak Swahili. Although I am so thankful IVF exists, I would not wish it upon anyone.

  
  

• Food Poisoning. Again. And Again.

  
  

• ...........The real estate agent. the worst for last. Absolutely one of the most despicable people I have ever met in my life.

Imagine experiencing any of this list and STILL not regretting it. STILL being able to say, "the good outweighed the bad." (T.I.A.!!!!)

So many times Ryan wanted to just pack up and leave. As tempting as this sounded at times, I do not believe in quitting. I was pretty adamant about us pushing thru some of the toughest moments.  “You cannot fail, unless you quit.” - One of my all-time favorite sayings. But I also realize that, "you'll never find peace in a place you do not belong".. So i had to find the happy medium between these....

Life is always about challenges, and If you do not take risks, you will not find opportunities.  We took a huge risk, so where was the opportunity / rewards? Well. Those came much, much later. Maybe life wanted us to live out the risk we took, and REALIZE how big of a risk it was that we actually took.

This island seemed hell-bent for us to quit. “You’ll never find peace in a place you do not belong.” Kept ringing in my ears with temptation when Ryan would bring up moving home. But where were we to go? Our home in the states was rented out. This was Ryan dream to live abroad and I was not going to let us quit.

We saw it through, coming out like warriors of this chapter of our lives that at times, felt like a trilogy. (at times even felt like a eulogy).

...But we made it. Was it worth it? Absolutely, 100%. Even the heavier items that made me experience anxiety for the first time, had a way of working out in the end. "You cannot fail unless you quit." I am forever grateful we did not quit and coming out on top at the end of all of this. It may have taken some time, but we won in the end.

Ryan mentioned giving up and moving home multiple times in the beginning. I refused over and over. And trust me, I would question if I was making the right decision or if I was just being stubborn. Why stay in a place you’ll never find peace?

Just when we began to wonder, “I can’t help but wonder what this was all for? What are we gaining out of all of this?” (Yes, besides incredible once in a lifetime travel opportunities)… A huge opportunity fell into our laps. An opportunity that never would have come our way if we hadn’t made this move.

Bold moves lead to huge opportunities.